Overcoming the NIL/ Instagram/Me Generation
The Death of TEAM begets the Life of TEAM
“The more one forgets himself -by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love—the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself. Self-actualization is possible only as a side-effect of self-transcendence.”
- Viktor Frankl
There is beauty in the paradox. There’s truth in the paradox. There’s life in a paradox. And then there’s death…
In high school, I was introduced to yoga. Our hockey team did it weekly with an instructor. At the end of my first ever session, we were told to go into Savasana or “corpse pose”.
Our instructor dimmed the lights, showed the pose, and then told us to close our eyes and assume the pose.
Then he began to explain the why behind the pose. Contemplating your own death to overcome the fear of dying. AKA self-transcendence.
That was the first time I thought about death. It was 2009.
Fast forward to 2025.
2 weeks before my Grandma died, I began to think about death.
I began reading about a Buddhist practice.
Maranasati, is a Buddhist practice that involves contemplating the impermanence of life to cultivate urgency and appreciation. Practices range from mindful breathing, with the thought “this could be my last breath,” to more in-depth contemplations on the breakdown of the body or completing sentence-based reflections on having a limited time to live. These meditations can help reduce the fear of death, increase appreciation for life and motivate a more meaningful way of living.
Then the thought about the stories of people that get told by their doctors they have a year left to live emerged. And in that year, they finally find peace, meaning and live their life freely for the first time.
I thought about how with 3 practices left in my junior hockey career, our coach made us aware that it was almost over and watched how it changed the team dynamics for the better.
I thought about how our week of practice heading into the national tournament was our best week of practice every year in college from an energy standpoint. It was both a celebration and a funeral for that particular team.
I thought about knowing how many days I had left in our first house before I moved here to take a job, and it made me appreciate every walk, every coffee from my favorite spot in town, and every sunset from our back patio.
In the last 2 weeks, as her condition worsened and then she passed, I’ve thought even more about it.
I’ve come up with this…
Death is paradoxical.
Witnessing it in others fills you with life energy, gets you to see new perspectives and appreciate things more. Here’s Marcus Freeman for 2 minutes:
Hearing what ND football means to someone gave Freeman more life energy. And hopefully, more to his players. The kids in this generation are different, but it’s a product of the environment we’ve created. ‘We’ as in parents, TikTok, Instagram, legislation on college athletics, etc.
Distraction/NIL/Me culture has taken our focus away from what matters. Distraction culture has atrophied our ability to stay focused on what matters. It put the focus on self. What can I get? What’s in this for me? A self-obsession instead of an obsession about something greater than ourselves…
The team.
The joy of the sport for its own sake.
Hearing of someone else’s death and perspective on ND football made their HC pause and reflect. It created space for gratitude to re-emerge.
Meaning does this. Thinking outside of your NIL deal and what is happening for you does this. Thinking about the kid in the driveway who started playing the game because he loved it does this. Self-actualizing by thinking way less of yourself. This is true Power.
You get more out of life by thinking less about you. Another paradox Frankl discovered in a concentration camp.
Meaning helps people do hard things and sustain that effort. You don’t start with Grit; creating meaning creates conditions for grit to emerge from the center of your being. It comes from having a big WHY.
Frankl knew it, sports psychologists know it, healers know it.
In my thinking about a topic, it always comes back to coaching. A question emerged…
How do you help a group collectively give more or “come together”?
My theory? The death clock.
Bring into their awareness that the end is fixed. They know when this team is going to die. For example, our national tournament starts in about 120 days.
The death of our team is known and coming pretty soon.
Do your players need meaning?
Do your players need a heaping helping of gratitude?
Create conditions for it to emerge.
Throw a big number 120 on the whiteboard in the locker room and speak this directly into their hearts. Then write the new number of days after you get to the rink each successive day.
In 120 days, roommates won’t eat together at the dinner table of their billet house.
They won’t drive together to practice anymore.
There won’t be 2 bowls of Frosted Flakes at 10 pm together on the kitchen island when you can’t sleep because something is on your mind.
There won’t be that short drive to the rink where you each pick a song to listen to.
There won’t be your usual training partner to help you unload the trap bar with you.
There won’t be your saucer pass partner.
You’ll make a junior team, he’ll play for a different one next year. You’ll see him twice, you’ll take one photo after a game and it’ll never be the same…
There will just be memories of what you had together.
With that in mind, I have one more question…
Won’t you appreciate today?
Death is paradoxical.
Thinking about it fills you with life.
Team culture survives and thrives by showing them exactly how much sand is in the hourglass.
Time is ticking. Breathe life into your team by showing them when this team ends.